Friends who have been dating on Match for an extended period of time insist that, at a certain point, you run out of new people to email. You see the same faces in each search, and have the feeling with each email you write that you’ve talked to this person before. I’ve never bought it. In fact, if there’s one thing that consistently surprises me about Match, it’s the depth of its roster. I wince when I think about how many women I’ve emailed on the site, and yet every time I look, I find countless more that I’d love to meet. Or at the very least, stalk. So the idea of me sailing to end of the Match horizon and running out of viable dating candidates seemed impossible. Until today…
And thus I ask you, How is This My Match?
24 year-old woman
Brooklyn, New York
seeking men 24-30
within 10 miles of Brooklyn, New York
Pretty cute, I’d say. 24 is definitely a little younger than I’m used to, but not a complete deal-breaker. And – look at that – Brooklyn is actually where I live! No Pittsburgh?! No Ontario, Canada?! Match matchmaker, you are really outdoing yourself this time…
In her words…
What She’s Looking For: My perfect match would be someone who is kind and loving and who isnt afraid to show affection to me and who will treat me well. I’m 5’3, athletic, and I love to hang out and go to clubs and dance.
OK, so it’s not Shakespeare, but she seems like a down-to-earth woman who’s looking to spend some time with someone nice. I can do that. I have time! And often I am nice!
Sports and exercise: Baseball, Basketball…
Oooh, a sports fan. I like it. A cute lady who follows baseball and basketball? All she’s missing is also liking football, and being really really rich. This might work out!
At this point, I’m getting pretty excited. It seems like The Daily 5 has actually found someone pretty good for me. I’m already crafting the email in my head, thinking how I’m gonna get a good jumping off point from her profile, which is a little light on the details. But she mentioned dancing, and I’ve got at least three good zingers about how bad a dancer I am, so I think we can make this work. Then, just as I’m about to click on the “email your match!!” button, I glance at her headline.
Sexy lesbian looking for the right person
WHAT?! She’s a lesbian? You set me up with a friggin’ lesbian, Match? Is that how hard it’s become? I’ve gone through every single straight woman in your files, so the only choice you had left was to recommend a fairly forgiving lesbian?! That hurts, Match, it really hurts. You’ve sent me old women, bald women, even women clearly in love with their dogs; but a gay woman stings. I’m used to dating people who aren’t interested, but dating someone who’s genetically, permanently disinterested is another matter. I mean, that’s literally the worst possible match. Are you even trying any more?
I mean, seriously. How is this my Match?