Most posts I write get three comments. Women vs Short Guys: Dating’s Fiercest Battleground, my daring exploration of the dark world that is tiny dude daters, has received sixty-five. It’s been republished by at least five other outlets and been read by twice as many people as anything I’ve ever posted. Including the detective fiction starring my cat, Inspector Whiskerton, that went up briefly in the bleak hours following Valentine’s Day, 2010. So clearly, people are fascinated by the plight of single short guys, and I just had to revisit the topic.
Easily some of the craziest things you guys have said to me were a result of this article. Here’s ROSA, a woman who is, herself, short, and might therefore have some sympathy for similar men. Turns out, no.
I am sick and tired of short men approaching me thinking that because I’m a short girl, I like short guys. I HATE SHORT GUYS! Just because I’m short doesn’t mean I don’t prefer the tall, dark, and handsome guys like the rest of us women. I really wish all men shorter than 6’2″ should be rounded up and shot.
Rounded up and shot, folks. Rounded. Up. And. Shot. Which is a practical enough suggestion, but where would we find all the shoeboxes to bury them in? ROSA, however, was not finished.
Us women should hold dating sites accountable and demand that they add fraud protection to stop short men from lying about their height. ANY man under 6’1″ IS NOT a compatible match for me. Men who lie about their height or try to conceal their height with elevator [shoes] should be arrested for fraud!
Is Rosa insane? Of course she is. But nearly every women I’ve heard from agrees with her general assessment. Short guys aren’t just unappealing, they’re maddeningly unappealing. They’re like the Tea Party of the dating universe: it’s not that you dislike them, it’s that you can’t understand how they don’t dislike themselves. Like their size is somehow an insult. It’s all, frankly, a little disturbing. And it’s getting some short guys down. (Pun intended.) Here’s a tall guy so screwed up that he thinks he’s actually short…
As an average height guy, 5’11”, I can pretty much get away with dating most girls who insist on just being taller than them. What I can’t get over is my own Napoleon complex, because my dad is 6’3”, my brother 6’4”, my best friend 6’7” and 3/5 of my close friends over 6’3”. I am a short stack wherever I go, and it has warped my psyche.
This is what we’ve become, people. A 5’11″ guy with a Napolean complex. Do you know how pissed Napolean would be? People almost six feet tall bitching about their height? He’d smack this guy right in the face. After climbing up on a stool, of course. Or at least a couple of phone books. He continues…
I’m fit, not ugly, have a thick head of hair, and a good job, but my height insecurities make me only message girls 5’4” and shorter so that there is no way in heels they are taller than me.
Call it what you will, but I wouldn’t wish my future child to be anything less than 6’3”.
I will tell you something now that is not at all funny and is certainly not a joke. Short men have emailed me and talked about committing suicide. Because of their height. BECAUSE OF THEIR FUCKING HEIGHT. That is not cool, ladies. To feel disregarded because of something you have no power to change and did nothing to create, I’m sure that is all kinds of awful – and what bitter part of my heart remains goes out to these guys. But I shouldn’t just be speaking to the ladies, because we all do this. Men have their own checklist of traits that we will unfairly deem sacrosanct. As always seems to happen, men quickly turned on the larger ladies.
[Women] should be asked to list their weight… A woman’s height/weight ratio really does give a sense of her body type and degree of fitness (waist size would help too)…
Just because you played JV basketball in high school does not make you athletic and toned…
[For women] 30 pounds overweight seems to be the new “average” now…
And that’s the stuff I didn’t delete immediately. You would be amazed at how many times the word “fatties” appears in the trashed comments of this blog. But it doesn’t stop there. I mentioned short men, and everyone else’s insecurities came calling. Tall men worrying they’re short, average breasted women worrying they’re small, people in wheelchairs worrying they’re weird, folks with abnormalities so rare they won’t even mention them online. And everybody feels bad about it. Why? Because someone sometime somewhere made it clear that they were a problem that need to be solved. Which brings me to my favorite of all the comments I received on Women vs. Short Guys. From that great sage, Anonymous:
Now I know why these people are 30 and still single.
We’re all fucked up. That’s why we’re Internet dating. Sure, we work too much, and sure we’re tired of meeting people in bars, and sure we’re searching for someone very particular – but let’s be honest, if we Internet daters were such prizes, chances are we wouldn’t be Internet dating to begin with, right? So why would we let other Internet daters, other members of this wackjob fraternity, tell us that we’re not enough? We’re too short or we’re too fat or we’re too willing to post stories about our cats solving supernatural crimes in turn of the century London, England? Guess what, chances are, they’re short too. Or they’re angry. Or they pee a little every time they sneeze. They’re other thirty-something daters — they’re fuck-ups too! An Internet dater tells you short? So what. They probably fart in their sleep. Or pick their teeth with business cards. Or ask their cleaning lady if it’s OK if they call her “Mother.” We’re all, as Anonymous said, 30 and single. So who the hell are we to talk shit?
Now get out there and meet somebody awesome.
And if you’re under six feet tall, have some decency and buy a good pair of lifts. You’re never gonna meet anyone looking like a freak.
For more hilarity and oddity, buy my new book Not a Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters.