Dear Internet Daters Who Refuse To Post Pictures,
What is wrong with you? I mean seriously, specifically, what is wrong with you? Because whenever we come across a profile without a picture attached, we assume there’s something fucked up going on. And when I say we, I mean everybody. Not just the judgmental people, or the people who are really image conscious and shallow, I mean everybody. Nuns, even. They don’t go on dates, because they’re nuns, but they do browse around dating websites, just to see what’s going on, and when they get to your profile they think, “Whoa. Weirdo.” And then quietly, to themselves, they wonder if you’re Satan. And I don’t want you to get down about that. I mean, nuns can be real pricks. But I just want you to know how you’re playing with the general public. And honestly, it ain’t good.
Why would someone join a dating website and not post a picture? Is it that you don’t think you’re very attractive? Well, that’s just silly. I’m sure you look fine, and even if you don’t, have you checked out Match.com recently? There’s some real bowsers on there. There’s this guy who looks exactly like me…OK, he is me, and he’s not winning any beauty contests. So come on, don’t be a wimp. And know this: there is no picture so bad that it will make you look any worse than what we already imagine. It’s true. When we see the “Sorry, This User Has Not Uploaded a Photo” message, we picture this guy…
or sometimes him…
Either case, not good.
Here are the only other reasons I can think of for not posting a picture.
1) You’re a vampire.
If that’s the case, and modern photography is genuinely unable to capture your image, then fine. Don’t post a picture. I get it. Maybe have someone do a sketch. Or just say in your profile “FYI, I’m a vampire. I can’t post pictures. Just didn’t want you to think I’m a weirdo or anything.”
2) You’re married.
Apparently there are people who don’t want to be discovered online dating by their spouse, so they leave their image blank. To you I say, first of all, “Get a life.” Then I follow up with, “How is your wife going to explain finding you on a dating website to begin with? What was she doing there? Looking for vampires?” And then you will look at me with silent wonder.
3) You’re afraid of people knowing that you Internet date.
This totally makes sense…if it’s 1991. Nobody cares if you’re meeting people online. Get over it.
4) You don’t know how to post pictures.
My Dad is in his 60′s and he MAILED a dating website his pictures so they could scan and post them for him. I didn’t even know scanners still exist. Or the mail. If he can pull it off, so can you.
5) There is no 5. That’s it. We’re out of reasons.
So please, Daters, in closing, I implore you to get with it. Grab one of the ten thousand devices you have that can take a photo and go to town. To get more responses, to have a better love life, and to stop annoying the hell out of the rest of us.
For us, for you, and for the nuns.
Sincerely,
Everyone
I always assume non picture posters are some kind of international spammer…who will subsequently ask me to wire $10,000 to them because they are a prince or can make me $20,000 in an awful pyramid scheme.
What about if you were on a dating website for people with STD’s? Are people as quick to post pictures on those sites? That must be hard because, though I’m assuming you need to submit a pic to register (cause otherwise anyone could very easily just go on there to see pictures of people who have STD’s), you’re still really putting yourself out there to random people on the internet, as someone with an STD who is freely showing their picture. It seems like it could be reputation-ruining. I don’t know, it just crossed my mind.
there are websites for people with std’s?! that sounds like a post waiting to happen…
http://www.positivesingles.com/ (google search… no I do not use this site, shut up)
also there is some study that found people with genital herpes were more appealing as potential partners than smokers.
Actually there are dating websites for Vampires where they will send a thrall to your coffin and make a wood-carving out of you. So that excuse is out too.
Point taken…if only I’d known there was a site for people with STD’s…though should have known…there is probably a site for Ecuadorians with Arachnophobia…but I don’t think dear Blogger was considering the fringes…and look, there’s your photo…on a BLOG for gods sake (nice photo though).
So, i’m siding with dear Blogger…no photo means something is seriously wrong. Futhermore, on those sites where you can request a photo…never had one come back.
…you don’t post an actual picture of your self when you write this blog? Are you afraid that someone is going to find out you blog? Because that totally makes sense…if its 2004.
Ha HA! Touche, Chris. Well played.