The internet is still abuzz from INAM’s shocking expose, Match From a Hot Girl’s Perspective. In fact, just today it was reposted on the Huffington Post! (Can not add link because I totally made that up.) But as we suggested last week, we are not done with Olivia, our resident hot chick. No, there will be no more stories of woe, no more pleas for sympathy for the complicated predicament of being an attractive lady online. I read your emails, and I get it: you don’t give a shit. So what if hot chicks get deluged with awfully mean and awfully written emails – they’re hot chicks. They’ll get over it. I was a little surprised at your ruthlessness, but hey, I’m a hot chick. I’ll get over it. (I’m working on a catchphrase here.)

This week’s lesson from Olivia is far more practical. I asked her one question, and the response I received was pure gold. You may think this applies only to men looking for women, or folks trying to attract someone a bit out of their league – but that isn’t so. Olivia’s answer to my question can help any dude or lady who tries their hand at internet dating.

My question: What’s the one thing I can do in my Match email to make sure you’ll respond. The answer…was not so simple.

First thing to consider is something you probably think little about: your subject line.

Olivia: I get, on average, 50 emails a day. (Ed. Note: Yes, you read that right. 50! Crazy, right?)Probably 80% of those emails have subjects like “Hi”, “Hey”, “Subject”, or nothing at all. Do you think that makes someone stand out in an inbox with tons of new messages every day? Ha! No. An interesting email subject line makes you stand out, and standing out makes me remember you more. When I remember you more, I’m more likely to respond.  I do look at every message I get, even if only briefly. So be memorable! The sad thing is even the good, well-written emails usually have subjects like this. Depressing.

B: To elucidate her point, Olivia sent me a screengrab of her inbox. Aaaaaand Holy Crap. Look at this shit.

Wow. Aren’t you just dying to click?! Most captivating subject line in that assortment goes to…the guy who wrote “86″, I guess? I mean, two random digits are better than just tossing out a “Hey,” or an alarmingly creative “Heya,” right? The “Racquet, Squash?” fellow kinda intrigues me, like if you opened his email it would just go on listing a bunch more racket sports. “Tennis, Badminton, Kadima. Wanna go out Thursday?” OK, I’m being a dick, but you get the point. When you’ve got a bunch of emails to choose from, it’s pretty hard to select one that, in the one moment it has to advertise, offers only the word “(none)”. Or “Summers Close!” Really? Thanks. I don’t own a calendar. Or have the ability to sense temperature changes. OK, I’m being a dick again.

So what should you write in your subject line? Here’s Olivia’s suggestion:

Olivia: Something witty, something funny, even something random: one guy once made his subject “pancakes!” It was completely unrelated to anything, but I certainly remembered his email.

The International House of Perfect Subject Lines.

And from that day forward all Internet dating emails introduced themselves with the word “pancakes,” and it was good.

Another way you get can noticed…by writing a second email.

Olivia: I honestly don’t mind when someone emails me twice. In fact, I probably respond to more second emails than first emails.  When I go through my inbox, I do read every message. That might sound like a lot of time, but it generally only takes 10-30 seconds to read a message. When someone starts off saying they’re emailing me again, it’s like I feel bad for ignoring them and thus I pay more attention to them.

When you get a lot of emails, it’s very easy for most of them to just get lost and drowned out, even ones that I liked. So, generally I’ll go back and find their original message, reread their new message, look at their profile, and decide whether to respond.  I’ve just gone from spending 10-30 seconds on your email and probably not even looking at your profile to a few minutes thinking about you. And only about 10% of guys send me second attempt emails.

B: Well gang, I hate to say I told you so, but — actually, no I don’t. I love to say I told you so. It’s probably one of my favorite things to say. It shows how smart I am and how dumb you are. How could you hate that? I TOULD YOU about the power of the second email months ago, and I’m happy to see Olivia agrees. I actually think it’s not a bad idea to send two emails to everyone you write, if you feel like spending that sort of time on Internet dating, and don’t mind veering dangerous close to serial killer zone. But you gotta handle the second email just right (for suggestions, follow the link). AND don’t get greedy. A third email is a little too Bates Motel for Olivia’s tastes.

"I email six times!"

Olivia: If I haven’t responded to your second attempt, I’m clearly not interested. So, don’t send a third, fourth, or fifth message to someone.  A second attempt seems confident and interested. A third attempt comes off as desperate and obsessed.  I have had some guys seriously send multiple messages with no responses. I don’t know what they’re thinking, but clearly they can’t take a hint. 

B: I have never sent a third, fourth, or fifth email, but now I kinda want to, just to see what happens. As long as what happens isn’t the cops showing up at my house. Because my landlord is really getting tired of that.

Olivia offers a good deal of advice on what a guy (or girl, for that matter) should write in their introductory email, but a lot of it is stuff I’ve told you before. To sum it succinctly, be original, be creative, and stand out from the pack. As she says…

50 other guys have asked her “how are you”, “any plans for the weekend”, “how is your week going”, so don’t be surprised when I don’t answer if that’s the ENTIRE text of your message. Even if a guy is attractive, I still won’t respond to these messages.

Read the profile, say something specific, and make a lasting impression But you guys knew that, right? RIGHT. That last point however brings us to perhaps Olivia’s most interesting suggestion, and one I didn’t expect. She says, even if you don’t find yourself as dreamy as the one you’re seeking – write anyway! Looks aren’t everything.

Olivia: Appearance is of course important, but it’s not the defining factor.  It’s like there are three groups of people: those you’re immediately attracted to, those you know you’re absolutely never going to be attracted to, and average looking people. I don’t dismiss someone based on his looks, because when you get to know someone, you can become more attracted to them.  If someone writes a great, engaging email, but is only average looking, I may still respond. Just because someone is hot doesn’t mean I’m going to respond, either. In fact, most of the best looking guys write pathetic emails. 

"I'm in average looking category, RIGHT?"

I’ve never responded to someone based solely on looks, though it’s difficult to say exactly what will make me decide to respond or not. It’s a combination of (in order of importance) content of their email, what they look like (whether or not they’re at least somewhat cute enough they could fall into that nondescript “becomes more attractive after getting to know his personality” category), and content of their profile.

B: Hear that? Hot guys write pathetic emails, and a great message can make you incredibly desirable even if you don’t feel your looks already do. Hooray for writing!

Olivia: About 50% of the emails I get are complete jokes, 25% good, 15% great, and 10% amazing.   The better the email is, the less important appearance becomes. The “good” emails I reply to are typically because it’s an attractive guy. The “amazing” and “great” ones get responses even if the guy is just average looking.

B: Well now I feel just great, don’t you? Of course this doesn’t apply to me, I’m not even close to average looking. Unless you consider a mix of the boyish charm of Ryan Gosling with the smokey masculinity of Denzel Washington average. (The ladies call me Denzel Goslington.)

In closing, I’d like to thank our lovely Olivia for this very instructive session. It’s advice that I believe applies to all of us, whether we’re searching for a cute older straight guy or an exotic younger lesbian lady. Be confident, be clever, and be determined. She’s happy to answer more questions, so if you have any quandaries of your own, send them my way, and I’ll see what we can do.

Oh, and  before she finished, Olivia hand one more It’s Not a Match credo to reinforce:

If you want to get my attention, your only bet is to send an email, because that’s the only reason I’m going to look at your profile. Guys sign in to find girls to email. Girls sign in to read their email. I get enough emails to never have to look at my winks.

Like I said, whatever you do, don’t wink. Even if you look like Denzel Goslington.