That Moment When You Find Out Your Date is Racist…

I wouldn’t say I’m pessimistic about Internet dates. I prefer…realistic. I recognize that most of them are going nowhere, so I don’t really do the whole getting-excited-about-people-I-meet thing. Anyone can look good after two drinks and a couple of their top-tier stories, but I wanna see what it’s like after we’ve had dinner a few times and all their best material is used up. Make me smile when we’re bored and then I’ll get excited. But sometimes I break my own rules…

A little while back, I went out with a doctor. A hot doctor. A hot doctor who had a good sense of humor and seemed to find my jokes unreasonably hilarious. Around the It’s Not a Match offices, that’s what we call the “mother load.” (Note: There are absolutely no It’s Not a Match offices.) So halfway through the first date, I could see my skepticism was going to be tested. To remain unimpressed in the face of intelligent beauty, well that’s some serious devotion to negativity. I mean, come on…

Is it getting hot in here, or is it just Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman?

Normally I’m up to the toughest of pessimistic tasks. But then Hot Doctor pulled out the secret weapon.

Hot Doctor: I’m kinda worried about this weekend…

Me: Why?

Hot Doctor: I’ve gotta go visit my brother. He’s been having a lot of trouble feeling depressed, he stopped eating for a while. We’re worried he might kill himself.

“Hey baby, what are you doing later?”

So she’s smart, attractive, funny AND she comes from a difficult family background that might make her a little bit crazy?! DING DING DING we have a winner! Be still my beating and somewhat deranged heart. What can I say, I don’t mean to pick the complicated ones. I don’t start talking to a girl and hold out hope that perhaps one day she used to be a cutter. But come on, you’ve read this site, there’s something about a girl that’s just a little bit screwy that I can’t resist. My therapist is aware of the issue, I assure you. But I had only known Hot Doctor – or shall I say Hoctor? – for about an hour, and already I was feeling that thing you humans call excitement. Until, that is, she presented a level of screwy that I hadn’t yet considered.

Thing That Concerned Me #1: She had just started working at a new hospital because the patients at her previous one were all “pretty gross.” Upon further questioning, gross seemed to involve being really fat, smoking too much, and generally having a bad attitude. I don’t know, I mean I guess doctors are allowed to be annoyed with their patients, but not liking them because they’re fat seemed pretty tough. Especially for an obstetrician.

Thing That Concerned Me #2: She didn’t like Jews.

Not in her Netflix cue

Now, she didn’t say “Jews” specifically, she said Israelis. But then, in her explanation, she listed off a bunch of characteristics that are stereotypically assigned to Jewish people. And it’s not like as long as you dislike Israelis in general but not Jews specifically you’re totally in the clear. As the story went, Hoctor wasn’t getting along with a friend because the friend had recently taken on a boyfriend of Israeli decent. She said that, and then I said nothing, because what really does one say when it looks like their companion is about to get super racist? Obviously from my expression, she felt it necessary to explain. “I’m not prejudiced or anything,” she said/they always say, “I’ve just had a lot of bad interactions with Israelis.” Saying nothing had worked so far, so I decided to stick with that game plan. “They’re just always getting into arguments. This guy is really opinionated and stubborn, which is exactly how I knew he would be, and I can’t handle it.” At that point, we were at racish – not all the way racist, but pretty darn close. Then Hoctor brought it home, “plus he always argues over the bill when we get food delivered. It’s like, ‘I’m sorry, but we have to tip more than 5%.’ ” Aaaaand we’ve achieved racist!

So OK, obviously this girl was not a fan of the Jewish people. Sorry, Israeli people. But I’ve never really seen racism in action before. It didn’t seem all angry and southern and Mel Gibsony like it does in the movies. She was this cute, sweet little Asian girl who for some reason just hated the crap out of Jewish people. It was weird. She was really great, other than the arbitrary hatred of people based solely on ethnicity. When I said I liked complex women, I meant more…complex feelings about life, not complex feelings about who to root for in Mississippi Burning.

So in the end, it turned out my skepticism was well founded. Hot Doctor asked me if I’d like to go out again, but I politely declined. Perhaps we could’ve had a fine time, but what if we got overcharged on the bill? I’d ask the waiter about it and all of a sudden I’d have a burning cross on my lawn. You just can’t build a romance on that. No matter how much she reminded me of a young Jane Seymour.

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24 Responses to That Moment When You Find Out Your Date is Racist…

  1. K says:

    I have Jewish friends who can’t stand Israelis… They tell me it’s like taking all the “traditional” stereotypes (which according to my Jewish friends is 100% when it comes to Israelis) and adding two heaping spoons of douche-baggery… At least, they’ve only said so for the guys… I’ve never heard anything bad about Israeli girls…

    B, I think you may have prematurely written Hoctor off… Then again, I probably would too… You don’t reveal crazy or racism until *after* you have sex…

  2. M says:

    Yeah, whatever happened to screw first, judge later?? This date needed further evaluation back at your place…

  3. Amused says:

    Meh. Doesn’t seem THAT racist/racish to me.

    If she never specified what the dude’s nationality was, B would have just thought the dude was a argumentative cheapskate. Yeah, that’s a big if, but still, I’ve heard worse on dates/meets.

    • B says:

      Hmm, I’m surprised. A lot of people are with you on this one, Amused. I’ve never been accused of being too sensitive before, but there is a first time for everything! I just wanna say in my defense though, she said she doesn’t like a group of people based on their common personality. Nothing on that? Nothing?

      • Amused says:

        :: shrugs ::

        Maybe my threshold for racish comments is higher than yours.

        You haven’t lived until you’ve had a conversation with a Caucasian woman where she randomly apologizes out of the blue for not having the natural lip color of a typical Caucasian. I didn’t even know that there was a typical lip color for Caucasians.

      • A European Guy says:

        You americans really overuse the terms “racist” and “racism”. A defined group of people isn’t ipso facto a race. Disliking Jehovah’s Witness isn’t being a racist. Disliking people adhereing to a particular culture isn’t racism either. It might be ignorance (but then again, there are some appalling cultures and pratices out there). Some people are just bad at not saying stupid things. If she wouldn’t have said anything about israelis, hopefully you wouldn’t have though: She’s talking about jews, she’s a racist.

        On the other hand, talking about how she was putting down features you find common to a jewish architype, that is kind of racist. If you subscribe to the wierd idea that the jews constitute a race, or that race is something with relevance to humans anyway. The jury is still out on that one.

  4. Chris says:

    How does the fact that the guy doesn’t tip well make her a racist? If he doesn’t tip well, that’s a factual statement about that one individual, and not a whole race of people. If she had said: “I’m sure he doesn’t tip well, you know, because he’s a JEW!” then yes, that would have been racist, but presumably she has seen (first-hand) the guy not tip well, which she objects to.

    If I complain to you that I’m a vegetarian, but a friend of mine (who you know is black) wants me to pick up some fried chicken on my way to his place to watch a football game, is that racist? The guy just likes fried chicken and I don’t; it’s not a statement about his race.

    I think you might be off base on this one.

    • B says:

      Well, I think she was associating not tipping with being Israeli. As in, “As further proof that Israeli’s suck – they don’t tip!” But maybe you’re right, Chris. Wow, you guys are a lot nicer than I am!

      • A European Guy says:

        It’s kind of racist calling Israelis a race. But in any case, asians are generally very racist, so you were probably going to see more of where that came from. (See what I did there? But they are, especially the Chinese.)

  5. MC Kali says:

    Well B – aside from whether Hoctor was stereotyping due to racism or due to having bad luck with Israelis (Israeli being a nation rather than race, there is a range of skin colors over there, people!) my main concern is her negativity and low emotional intelligence that she exhibited. I mean, yeah, any physician and esp an obstetrician who is not compassionate is either way burned out and not practicing good self-care, or a soul-less businessperson. Neither of those predicaments makes for a nice date or, god forbid, a mate.

    Wonder what kind stereotyping and emotional drama Hoctor feels victimized about, as she does dish it so well that it’s obviously how she sees herself. As an asian female there was probably plenty. And for those of the Princess class (if she is that), regardless of race, it can be quite an entangled web of emotional dissociation that is not pleasant unless one is from the same dissociated tribe.

  6. Aaron says:

    Yah, I think you were off base on this one.
    I would have explored her personality more to see if it’s just FULL of judgmental racist behavior, or if she’s just seriously had some bad run-ins with people from Israel.
    This might be one reason why you’re still single. Perhaps you’re just too judgmental and looking for someone that doesn’t exist.
    You’re probably even self-sabotaging because you felt yourself getting excited over this girl and just needed to find an out so that you wouldn’t end up getting hurt down the line. It’s a classic case of avoidance strategy.

  7. Teena Lovern says:

    “because what really does one say when it looks like their companion is about to get super racist?”

    hahahaha

  8. Umm. . .yeah, totally racish and probably racist. Good job getting the hell out of there!

  9. Philip says:

    The tipping bit pushing her over the edge to full racist was kinda off key on your part. He sounded like a bad tipper! And shit even if she said all Israelite’s are terrible tippers, that’s hardly racist either, just a generalization or stereotype shes built up. Like all Americans have the tendency to overtip when abroad (that’s a nice one by the way, had to pull deep into my pocket for an un-insulting American generalization), or all french people are arrogant assholes, or all Candidan’s are too nice and afraid to insult anyone, wait are you Canadian?

    Now if she said, I hate those fucking Israeli’s, I wish they would all just fucking die already, I might try and convince my brother to kill the swine, he is on his way out already, so may as well do something good for the world before he goes…etc etc etc then you found yourself a racist.

    Good writing style you have though, amusing tales you spin on here….kudos.

  10. Rachel says:

    Many people find Israelis difficult to deal with, and unpleasant in general. I’m Jewish and I’ve been to Israel, and I feel that way. I agree that you prematurely wrote off Hot Doctor.. I had a boyfriend who wasn’t Israeli and he was a terrible tipper, and it was annoying, doesn’t make her a racist.

  11. Amilcar Santanna says:

    Ok your writing is fiction but it clearly shows how you blame erveryone else for your fear of building a relationship. You are extremely judgmental. Maybe some therapy would be good for you?

  12. AbrahamLincoln says:

    I once read the profile of a girl that read:

    “No black guys. I’m sorry, I’m not racist, I have many black friends. I just feel its good to not mix the blood.”

    It just made me laugh and think “Oh, thank goodness, she’s not a racist. She just thinks that interracial commingling is bad for the purity of the blood lines. Phewwww!” I’m not black, but I think that if you’re just not into black dudes, marking the Ethnicity box as white and not saying anything else about it is probably your best call.

    • viking says:

      true but liberals have made people feel guilty and needing an exclamation, hers is the most basic dating leads to children and mixed children are problematic. one could write volumes why this is true so if liberalism has so impaired you imagination please ask someone else to explain

      • Aaron says:

        oh wow.
        Thanks for that racist statement ‘viking’.
        “mixed children are problematic” ? really?
        I sometimes forget that people like you actually exist.

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