I’ll Be Back Soon, I Promise…

Drunk-New-YearHappy New Year, everyone! And what says January 1 better than a renewed commitment to finding love through a series of winks, poorly written emails, and slightly drunk bar conversations? It’s New Year’s resolution time, which also means it’s internet dating time, which also ALSO means it’s God-do-I-hate-internet-dating time, which is why you find yourself back on It’s Not a Match. The go-to destination for everyone who wants to murder OKCupid and burn Match.com in a fire. I’ve been getting so many emails and comments from you all asking where I’ve gone that I had to come back and say, “Hello.” And then quickly disappear back into the night. Kinda like Batman, except flabbier and without the weirdo voice.

So anyway, yeah, I’ve been gone a long while. I’m very sorry, but I do honestly intend to return soon. I’ve landed a job writing for the television, and it has taken up a lot of my blogging time. Well, all of my blogging time, as well as my staring out the window at nothing time, and my thinking of funny nicknames for my cat time. But the season is winding up in another month, and I hope I’ll be able to return to It’s Not a Match soon after and offer my “wit and wisdom” every now and again. (Please note: use of quotation marks is meant to imply deceit. There will be neither any wit nor wisdom ever again. I’m out of both.) So please, read the old stuff-it’s still PURE GENIUS. And check out my book. And watch The Neighbors on ABC. I’ll back soon, and I promise, I’ll reply to all my emails too. Eventually.

Goodnight, good luck, and good dating. Say hi to the love of your life for me.

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10 Responses to I’ll Be Back Soon, I Promise…

  1. marie antoinette says:

    How I have missed you!
    Ive been thinking you have been enjoying The Bliss of Early Couplehood.
    Which could be its own great blog.
    Great you are doing TV.
    I never watch my 500+ channels but I will now.
    If I can find your show.
    ” People of extraordinary talent and wit have an obligation to share it with the general population for the betterment of the human condition.”
    MarieAntoinette89

  2. Get Creeps says:

    In the meantime, be sure to warn match.com of a scammer user broncosfan3333 – not “divorced” and other things he claims he is!

  3. Doug says:

    It’s been another lost month without you for you the rich and famous who have left us socially deprived un-dating smucks without a laugh at our sucky lives in the dating trek of how the heck will we ever be able to never get a response from anyone without you.

    The best entertainers do it for the average smo who has no life but can somehow relate to the distress of others. The flashes have an ego to feed. You really got to meet that girl in Denver. Just to help her. I know you already got yours. I am so afraid to ask. It wasn’t on any site was it?

    Mine wasn’t. For a while. She was divorcing a prominent in a small town. You may know small towns. Everybody knows what everybody thinks they know.

    A buddy of mine was going though the same type of thing in this tiny little shitty ass town where…
    My humble advice to him.

    Understandably all the good ones are taken.
    We are the porters.
    The trick is to be lucky enough to find the one

    that is a lady
    is not too scarred or scared
    who is carrying around something less than a trunk for baggage
    and who tips real good.

    Wimps and crazies and the impatient need not apply.
    Able to deal with high frustration quotient a plus.

    Use it if you can. The very best of luck and everything you deserve.

  4. Cara Pollard says:

    Thank you for your book and the laughs!

  5. Deeply Disappointed says:

    You a liar! You lie! You didn’t come back.

    • doug says:

      All good things do not always end well. Just always fills up in your mind and your hopes. Kind of like sailing. You never know what your wake will look like. Or where the wind will blow. Sometimes you can not find your direction until you are lost.

    • doug says:

      I wrote a song on a napkin in fifteen minutes while sitting in a diner in Lake Tahoe over 35 years ago for no one in particular.

      Take your time go real slow
      I’ll go easy because I’m beginning to know
      I’m going to need you someday
      You’ve got too much loving
      for me to stay away

      I was distracted along the way. It is time I found you.

      I recorded it and put it on youtube and sent it to Michael Strahan and Kelly Ripa and Good Morning America and ITISNOTAMATCH.com. That has to work better than this online rejection thing. Someone got back to me and asked about online viraling. It was a guy. I’m pretty sure I was looking for a girl. Someone asked me how many hits I have had. I don’t know how to measure that. I am not any worthwhile social networks. The only thing that comes to mind is humor and lack of response in on line dating. No bruising so far. Maybe they are just kind.

      It is Christmas for goodness sake. Get in the mood. No matter how crazy life gets you will never know what is just around the corner. If you will try it with a smile it might just make it better.

      The holidays begin with the chance of the first snow fall in shorter days. We are there. It makes it easier for Santa to land his sleigh. Who cannot believe in someone that believes in everyone. Tell your children and your grandchildren exactly that. Let them learn. They will understand. I do. If the magic of Christmas works like it is supposed to, we may find that amazing, illusive attraction, sometimes never explained, and the someone that loves you as much as you will them.

      What I want is to find a mutual attraction, a friend, a lady. I believe it will happen the moment I am not looking. Until that happens I am going to be relaxed and patient and enjoy each and all of the humorous moments you all provide. There certainly have been quite a few.

      I work with emergency management which is first responders to when Momma Nature gets really mad, develop healthcare applications, do research for meteorological events, especially in Hawaii, write music, volunteer and a lot of other things that keep me busy. My background is in healthcare and finance and music.

      I am a pilot, have sailed since my teens, traveled abroad, an Eagle Scout, paid for my college with a basketball scholarship and am a knucklehead.

      May the holidays be magically yours and that they begin today with a glimmer of hope or an extraordinary chance.

      Dude. Get in (or at least back) the game. Is she pretty? does she have friends? I really am very happy for you. Her, jury is still out. Seriously, only the best for both of you.

      Outcome of looking:
      Love transcends all. Time, gravity, space and distance and comfort. It is in music and people and friends and dogs and cats and horses and landscape and all that is around us. It is still in your heart when they pass or they are gone. It is always finding a way in to the here and now. It is even in those that you and I and us have not met. Even though I like flat tummies, even if they have too much skin. What other universe would we, or could we ever be in. Or want to. If we can find the humor and laughter in that then we are capable of anything. You may be one of the few that may get all that. If she does I’ll send presents.

  6. LegallyBlonde says:

    I can’t believe you promised to be back soon…TEN MONTHS AGO?

    • B says:

      I know. I’m a terrible person. But I’m writing a new book. It’s about growing up fat, and it’s sad/hilarious. Sadlarious, I’m calling it. (To people who look at me confused then walk away.) More to come!

      I’m sorry I haven’t done more internet date writing. A great girlfriend of 2 years will do that to a person. But thanks everyone for reading!

  7. doug says:

    I wrote a song on a napkin in fifteen minutes while sitting in a diner in Lake Tahoe over 35 years ago for no one in particular.

    Take your time go real slow
    I’ll go easy because I’m beginning to know
    I’m going to need you someday
    You’ve got too much loving
    for me to stay away

    I was distracted along the way. It is time I found you.

    I recorded it and put it on youtube and sent it to Michael Strahan and Kelly Ripa and Good Morning America and ITISNOTAMATCH.com. That has to work better than this online rejection thing. Someone got back to me and asked about online viraling. It was a guy. I’m pretty sure I was looking for a girl. Someone asked me how many hits I have had. I don’t know how to measure that. I am not any worthwhile social networks. The only thing that comes to mind is humor and lack of response in on line dating. No bruising so far. Maybe they are just kind.

    It is Christmas for goodness sake. Get in the mood. No matter how crazy life gets you will never know what is just around the corner. If you will try it with a smile it might just make it better.

    The holidays begin with the chance of the first snow fall in shorter days. We are there. It makes it easier for Santa to land his sleigh. Who cannot believe in someone that believes in everyone. Tell your children and your grandchildren exactly that. Let them learn. They will understand. I do. If the magic of Christmas works like it is supposed to, we may find that amazing, illusive attraction, sometimes never explained, and the someone that loves you as much as you will them.

    What I want is to find a mutual attraction, a friend, a lady. I believe it will happen the moment I am not looking. Until that happens I am going to be relaxed and patient and enjoy each and all of the humorous moments you all provide. There certainly have been quite a few.

    I work with emergency management which is first responders to when Momma Nature gets really mad, develop healthcare applications, do research for meteorological events, especially in Hawaii, write music, volunteer and a lot of other things that keep me busy. My background is in healthcare and finance and music.

    I am a pilot, have sailed since my teens, traveled abroad, an Eagle Scout, paid for my college with a basketball scholarship and am a knucklehead.

    May the holidays be magically yours and that they begin today with a glimmer of hope or an extraordinary chance.

    Dude. Get in (or at least back) the game. Is she pretty? If that is her picture, I am in love too. Does she have friends? I really am very happy for you. Her, jury is still out. She really let’s you do this?Seriously, only the best for both of you.

    Outcome of looking:
    Love transcends all. Time, gravity, space and distance and comfort. It is in music and people and friends and dogs and cats and horses and landscape and all that is around us. It is still in your heart when they pass or they are gone. It is always finding a way in to the here and now. It is even in those that you and I and us have not met. Even though I like flat tummies, even if they have too much skin. What other universe would we, or could we ever be in. Or want to. If we can find the humor and laughter in that then we are capable of anything. You may be one of the few that may get all that. If she does I’ll send presents.

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