There’s really only one rule to follow when you’re creating a profile for a online dating: Be Different. OK…wait, no, there’s two rules. Be Different, and Avoid Hardcore Racial Slurs. Alright three rules. Just three. Be Different, Avoid Hardcore Racial Slurs, and Try To Abstain From The Phrase “Sweet Ass Titties.” I’ve learned that one the hard way.
Seriously though, being different is the only important thing. There are so many profiles on each site, and so many of them are earth-shatteringly boring – you need to make setting yourself apart the goal. Here’s a profile the other day that caught my eye…
“Secretive conservative sensory quiet mastered the art of listening without the words.”
That’s it. That’s the whole profile. Maybe she was crazy, or really super foreign, or just operating on a different plane than you and I – but either way, I remembered her. No way in hell I’m sending her an email, but two days later she’s still occupying some space in my mind – and that’s what we’re looking for. Jump out to your reader, wake them up, make them the forget the 10 ridiculously lame profiles they just skipped past to get to yours. The best way to do this? Avoid every lame ass Internet dating cliche out there. In case you’re new to the online romance game, I’ll do my best to collect these banalities for you here, in one easy-to-read locale. So here then is a summary of Every Internet Dating Profile Ever Written.
First, the obligatory picture from too far away to actually be useful…
Gosh, what do I say in these things? [Anything really, just try to avoid cliches.] LOL! [Too late.] I totally never thought I’d be Internet dating, but I know a bunch of people who’ve had good luck on here, so I figured, why not give it a shot? [You mean, other than price, time, unlimited potential for failure, and the requirement to write an appealing and attention grabbing profile? Other than that, yeah, why not enter into things flippantly?] Hey, if we hit off, we can just tell our friends we met in a bar! [Exclamation point!]
For the rest of this post, and a whole mess of other It’s Not a Match favorites, buy my new book Not a Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters.