The way to stay out of trouble with serial killers is to avoid being brought to a second location. It’s Serial Killer 101. Let ‘em abduct you, fine, but the real problems start when they toss you in their van. That’s how you end up in somebody’s basement at the bottom of a hole getting told to rub lotion all over the place – going to that second location. First dates, however, are quite the opposite. On a first date, the one thing you’re hoping will happen – the sure sign that success is underway – is that the two of you move to a second locale. Makeouts can be misleading, arguments can be inconclusive, awkwardness can go one way or the other – but you know for certain where you stand when one of you says “Hey, you wanna get out of here?” That’s when you got a good date on your hands. Unless…you’re out on a date with a serial killer. Then I don’t know what to tell ya…
I met Katie, and right away, the commonality was almost alarming. She reviewed movies for a living, I watched movies like it was my job. She used to be on the Food Network, I also watched the Food Network like it was my job. (Please no one tell my actual job.) She had great cleavage, I was great at looking at cleavage — it was a match made in heaven. But most of all, she made me laugh. Not easy to do, for sure, but within minutes of meeting Katie, she had me in stitches. Some of it was her eccentric nature, she was hopping in and out of her seat every few minutes, ordering coffee, changing her order, considering some pie, asking about pie options, deciding she didn’t want pie at all. It was a little like dating a coke addict (in the most endearing possible way), but the last thing she needed was more coffee. I get a kick out of quirk though, and Katie had plenty to go around. And she seemed equally enthused about me. She laughed at all my jokes, even the bad ones, and told me it was the best date she had been on in a long time. After a good ninety minutes of laughs, she told me, unfortunately, she had to go, and that’s when she dropped the line…
"You guys at your second location?"
“Wanna go see Mission Impossible 4?”
Not in a week, not in a day, but right friggin’ now. Katie was, as I said, a movie reviewer, and that night she had a movie to review. It was Mission Impossible 4, and as I’ve always had an interest in free climbing Middle Eastern skyscrapers, I was intrigued. But more than wanting to see the movie, I was pleased that we had entered the hallowed second location realm. It’s a notable step, mostly because it’s such an unnecessary one. Even if you’re having a great evening, it’s easy enough to see a person another time. In fact, it’s probably advisable. No need to go overboard on a first meeting with someone who’s pretty darn close to being a stranger. But moving to another place, either a new bar or out for a walk or – for the floozies in the house – someone’s apartment, suggests real excitement. Fondness even. A feeling of “I’m not ready for this to end just yet.” It’s a great feeling, and one that’s very rarely acted on, in my experience. Which is why I loved it when Katie offered, and it really hurt when I had to say “no.”
Sadly, I had a deadline the next morning, and deadlines don’t care about cleavage. So we parted ways, with plans to hang out soon. Just to make sure she didn’t think I was blowing her off, I texted Katie after the movie, telling her I was very happy to meet her and wished I could’ve taken her up on her offer of short people and Scientology. All was well, and a good thing had clearly begun.
After a few jokey texts back and forth, I asked her a few days later when we could hang out again. It took her 24 hours to respond. That was the first sign. When someone waits 24 hours to respond to a date request, they might as well wait 24,000, because you probably already have your answer. The text that I received in response, however, was even more conclusive.
“Hey, I’m really sorry, but I’ve met someone else and things have gotten quite serious. You’re a really nice guy though, best of luck to you!”
Her date
WHAT? You’ve met somebody else and things have gotten quite serious…in seven days?! Does he have a time machine that let you go back in time like a month, allowing you a plausible opportunity to actually get serious? Or wait, is he on death row and you’re trying to speed things up just in case he doesn’t get clemency? Maybe she was doing a new kind of speed dating that doesn’t just apply to the first meeting but the entire relationship, so after 15 minutes they were already meeting each other’s parents? Look, I don’t mind getting blown off, I really don’t. Believe me, I’ve got plenty of practice. But isn’t it better for all involved if we just do it honestly? Just, you know, for dignity’s sake?And how exactly did we go from unnecessary movie invite to you pulling the “mysterious other man” routine a few days later?
Guys know what “I met someone else” means, it means “I want to meet someone else, other than you.” So why beat around the bush? Or, let’s assume Katie wasn’t lying. Let’s assume that she had been seeing someone previous to going out with me, and that things were going pretty well. That makes sense, I can buy that. Then, after meeting me, she decided she felt more strongly about the other dude. Wouldn’t blame her one bit. I probably feel more strongly about the other dude too. Then why invite me to the movie? Why introduce a further destination if there’s another guy you’re into? It’s just…well…it’s just a little silly. I don’t mind if you don’t like me, but can we keep the not liking me to just one location? It makes it a lot easier to understand.
Now I gotta rethink my whole stance on serial killers.
It's Not a Match.com 
She probably met someone at the movie, her natural mate finding habitat.
I think it’s quite plausible that she met someone else and it had a greater probability of being serious than your encounter with her. Serious, by her standards could be very different than serious by your standards.
I’ve pulled her exact move before. Online dating is something of a numbers game where one can easily cultivate multiple options. Should things go well and one of those options grows into a thriving relationship deserving of fidelity, there are often a few loose ends to take care of. You may have met her just a week too late.
You bombed, boy. GO TO THE MOVIES AND FUCK YOUR DEADLINE. Pussy.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, considering the caps lock and the “pussy” and such, but you know what…you’re right, David. I did bomb it. I should’ve fucked the deadline. Never again!
For once, I was pleasantly surprised to find an entire collection of rational comments on your blog and zero scary stalkers. Are you blocking commenters now? Or this was a lucky week?
Anyway, I agree that most of these could be plausible. Women, like men, are often unsure of the other person’s feelings when internet dating. I think it’s entirely possible that she read your movie rejection (with the whole lame “deadline” excuse…I mean, couldn’t you have just stayed up later? And why did you agree to a date in the first place if you had a deadline? It’s like you were saying “this won’t be very exciting, so I can just squeeze it in”…chicks read into that sort of behavior) as YOUR assertion of “I’m not really that interested”. She probably found your texting afterwards confusing and maybe she felt like you were just keeping in touch to keep her as a “back-pocket girl” (especially when you waited DAYS to ask her out again…she asked YOU out again immediately and you rejected her. If you liked her, you should have reciprocated more quickly).
Thanks for this though. This is a good insight into male behavior. I would have written you off just like Katie. Next time, maybe I’ll be more patient.
Oh…who am I kidding? No, I won’t.
Great post! I love Silence of the Lambs in a non-serial lover type of way….
But I have to say I’ve had several “great” first dates that have led to other locations (at the suggestion of the men) never to hear from them again! So I debunk your theory. These dates might also have involved make-outs (maybe that’s my problem?) I do agree, however with the 24 hr response to text time. She was thinking about what to text and weighing her options; I don’t think you not going to the movies had anything to do with it.
Has anyone done the math? She took 24 hours to respond to his request for a second date and in seven days had met someone else…B, you took six days to ask her out again after rejecting her movie offer! SIX DAYS! No wonder she used the “I met someone else” line–I would have too regardless of whether I had met someone or not. Six days is too long to ask someone out again. Sorry, B.
I don’t know folks…. I had two 3 hour dates over the course of two weeks with a fellow who I found to be charming and hilarious. During dinner date number two he
1) mentioned how it would be fun to take me to a restaurant he liked to get my opinion(which implies a third date in the works),
2) suggested we take a trip to Alaska some time since he goes there often for work and I’ve never been,
3) joked that it would be fun (for him) to visit Europe some time while I’m there for work,
4) invited me to a movie the following day and then…. drum roll please,
– Never Contacted Me Again-
It’s been three weeks since fabulous/not so fabulous date (the quality of the date is a matter of perception but I am baffled by how off I was). It undermined my sense of reality to have someone be SO over the top and then go from 90 to zero overnight. I have no idea what the hell happened between him dropping me off at home of a Sat night and the call that never came the following day. Did he meet someone else between Sat night and Sunday morning? Or do some people give SUCH good date and SUCH good text just for the hell of it? I’ve been on countless first dates and enough second dates to be able to read a person… I’m not baffled by the fact that he didn’t like me (ugh) but by the behaviour that indicated that he did followed by– *nothing*. Such a gross misperception on my part. I feel like a loon. Chirp, croak. Or whatever sound loons make.
I went out on a first date with a girl on a Friday night. Overall, it wasn’t too special, but I figured I’d ask her out again. I called on Monday and left a message to see if she wanted to go out again. She texted back the next day:
“I met someone through a friend on Saturday and wouldn’t feel right going out with anyone else. Good luck.”
For some context, she was planning to tailgate and go to a football game with friends that saturday. Normally, I’d just shrug it off, but this one got my wheels spinning. Probably because she bothered to mention that she met someone literally the next day. So I started thinking about how to translate it to entertain myself:
“The stars aligned and I actually met my soulmate just after meeting you. Sorry.”
“During our date all I could think about was how I’m going to go out with literally the next guy I see just to try and forget this night.”
“I got drunk and hooked up with some guy on Saturday and all my friends know about it. In order to not appear ‘slutty’ I’m going to consider myself in an exclusive relationship with him.”
“Don’t feel too bad. After we went out on Friday, I sent pretty much the same message to the guy I went out with on Thursday.”
“The bottom line is I want to meet people other than you. I have no idea why I’m making up this story about meeting someone else, but you get the message, so does it really matter?”
“My profile says I love tailgating and going to football games. Maybe you should have read it.”
ha ha, great stuff Sams. Funny angle, I wish I had thought of it myself. There is something maddening about the “I JUST met someone else” explanation. Really, you met the love of your life in the last 12 hours? That’s quite a story. Can’t wait to see the Hillary Swank starring RomCom about it. You know you’re allowed to say “I didn’t feel a spark”, right?
Chica – Same thing happened to me about a year ago, except, I am a man. I met a woman on Match.com and exchanged phonecalls for a week. For our first date we met at a neutral public locale for lunch, she made a picnic for the date !!! A true southern girl from Alabama up in the D.C. area; I felt like the luckiest person in the world. She was an educated, well rounded attractive woman and at the end of our date we shared a passionate kiss.
A week later, we went on our second date which was quite similar; she told me how much she talked about me to her friends and how excited she was to have found someone so great. A few days later she invited me to go on a trip with her to Alabama (@ 3 wks into our new “relationship”). I though, well, things aren’t moving too fast and we seemed to have a lot in common so I accepted and that evening she quit talking to me. We were supposed to leave in 2 days, I called/texted her a couple of times to no avail and scrapped it a few days later. I heard from her 3 months later when she appologized to me in an e-mail; I found out from a source later on she had started dating someone else around the same time she was with me.
It’s quite plausible that she met someone else in between our dates and liked her odds with the other fellow. Like the original author state, “Why introduce a further destination if there’s another guy you’re into?” Why invite me to Alabama and then ignore me?
Multi-dating my friends. She will be heading into date #4 with John after lining up date #2 with Steve and combing the dating site for date #1 with whoever it ends up being.
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