The internet is still abuzz from INAM’s shocking expose, Match From a Hot Girl’s Perspective. In fact, just today it was reposted on the Huffington Post! (Can not add link because I totally made that up.) But as we suggested last week, we are not done with Olivia, our resident hot chick. No, there will be no more stories of woe, no more pleas for sympathy for the complicated predicament of being an attractive lady online. I read your emails, and I get it: you don’t give a shit. So what if hot chicks get deluged with awfully mean and awfully written emails – they’re hot chicks. They’ll get over it. I was a little surprised at your ruthlessness, but hey, I’m a hot chick. I’ll get over it. (I’m working on a catchphrase here.)
This week’s lesson from Olivia is far more practical. I asked her one question, and the response I received was pure gold. You may think this applies only to men looking for women, or folks trying to attract someone a bit out of their league – but that isn’t so. Olivia’s answer to my question can help any dude or lady who tries their hand at internet dating.
My question: What’s the one thing I can do in my Match email to make sure you’ll respond. The answer…was not so simple.
First thing to consider is something you probably think little about: your subject line.
Olivia: I get, on average, 50 emails a day. (Ed. Note: Yes, you read that right. 50! Crazy, right?)Probably 80% of those emails have subjects like “Hi”, “Hey”, “Subject”, or nothing at all. Do you think that makes someone stand out in an inbox with tons of new messages every day? Ha! No. An interesting email subject line makes you stand out, and standing out makes me remember you more. When I remember you more, I’m more likely to respond. I do look at every message I get, even if only briefly. So be memorable! The sad thing is even the good, well-written emails usually have subjects like this. Depressing.
B: To elucidate her point, Olivia sent me a screengrab of her inbox. Aaaaaand Holy Crap. Look at this shit.
Wow. Aren’t you just dying to click?! Most captivating subject line in that assortment goes to…the guy who wrote “86”, I guess? I mean, two random digits are better than just tossing out a “Hey,” or an alarmingly creative “Heya,” right? The “Racquet, Squash?” fellow kinda intrigues me, like if you opened his email it would just go on listing a bunch more racket sports. “Tennis, Badminton, Kadima. Wanna go out Thursday?” OK, I’m being a dick, but you get the point. When you’ve got a bunch of emails to choose from, it’s pretty hard to select one that, in the one moment it has to advertise, offers only the word “(none)”. Or “Summers Close!” Really? Thanks. I don’t own a calendar. Or have the ability to sense temperature changes. OK, I’m being a dick again.
So what should you write in your subject line? Here’s Olivia’s suggestion:
Olivia: Something witty, something funny, even something random: one guy once made his subject “pancakes!” It was completely unrelated to anything, but I certainly remembered his email.
The International House of Perfect Subject Lines.
And from that day forward all Internet dating emails introduced themselves with the word “pancakes,” and it was good.
Another way you get can noticed…by writing a second email.
Olivia: I honestly don’t mind when someone emails me twice. In fact, I probably respond to more second emails than first emails. When I go through my inbox, I do read every message. That might sound like a lot of time, but it generally only takes 10-30 seconds to read a message. When someone starts off saying they’re emailing me again, it’s like I feel bad for ignoring them and thus I pay more attention to them.
When you get a lot of emails, it’s very easy for most of them to just get lost and drowned out, even ones that I liked. So, generally I’ll go back and find their original message, reread their new message, look at their profile, and decide whether to respond. I’ve just gone from spending 10-30 seconds on your email and probably not even looking at your profile to a few minutes thinking about you. And only about 10% of guys send me second attempt emails.
B: Well gang, I hate to say I told you so, but — actually, no I don’t. I love to say I told you so. It’s probably one of my favorite things to say. It shows how smart I am and how dumb you are. How could you hate that? I TOULD YOU about the power of the second email months ago, and I’m happy to see Olivia agrees. I actually think it’s not a bad idea to send two emails to everyone you write, if you feel like spending that sort of time on Internet dating, and don’t mind veering dangerous close to serial killer zone. But you gotta handle the second email just right (for suggestions, follow the link). AND don’t get greedy. A third email is a little too Bates Motel for Olivia’s tastes.
"I email six times!"
Olivia: If I haven’t responded to your second attempt, I’m clearly not interested. So, don’t send a third, fourth, or fifth message to someone. A second attempt seems confident and interested. A third attempt comes off as desperate and obsessed. I have had some guys seriously send multiple messages with no responses. I don’t know what they’re thinking, but clearly they can’t take a hint.
B: I have never sent a third, fourth, or fifth email, but now I kinda want to, just to see what happens. As long as what happens isn’t the cops showing up at my house. Because my landlord is really getting tired of that.
Olivia offers a good deal of advice on what a guy (or girl, for that matter) should write in their introductory email, but a lot of it is stuff I’ve told you before. To sum it succinctly, be original, be creative, and stand out from the pack. As she says…
50 other guys have asked her “how are you”, “any plans for the weekend”, “how is your week going”, so don’t be surprised when I don’t answer if that’s the ENTIRE text of your message. Even if a guy is attractive, I still won’t respond to these messages.
Read the profile, say something specific, and make a lasting impression But you guys knew that, right? RIGHT. That last point however brings us to perhaps Olivia’s most interesting suggestion, and one I didn’t expect. She says, even if you don’t find yourself as dreamy as the one you’re seeking – write anyway! Looks aren’t everything.
Olivia: Appearance is of course important, but it’s not the defining factor. It’s like there are three groups of people: those you’re immediately attracted to, those you know you’re absolutely never going to be attracted to, and average looking people. I don’t dismiss someone based on his looks, because when you get to know someone, you can become more attracted to them. If someone writes a great, engaging email, but is only average looking, I may still respond. Just because someone is hot doesn’t mean I’m going to respond, either. In fact, most of the best looking guys write pathetic emails.
"I'm in average looking category, RIGHT?"
I’ve never responded to someone based solely on looks, though it’s difficult to say exactly what will make me decide to respond or not. It’s a combination of (in order of importance) content of their email, what they look like (whether or not they’re at least somewhat cute enough they could fall into that nondescript “becomes more attractive after getting to know his personality” category), and content of their profile.
B: Hear that? Hot guys write pathetic emails, and a great message can make you incredibly desirable even if you don’t feel your looks already do. Hooray for writing!
Olivia: About 50% of the emails I get are complete jokes, 25% good, 15% great, and 10% amazing. The better the email is, the less important appearance becomes. The “good” emails I reply to are typically because it’s an attractive guy. The “amazing” and “great” ones get responses even if the guy is just average looking.
B: Well now I feel just great, don’t you? Of course this doesn’t apply to me, I’m not even close to average looking. Unless you consider a mix of the boyish charm of Ryan Gosling with the smokey masculinity of Denzel Washington average. (The ladies call me Denzel Goslington.)
In closing, I’d like to thank our lovely Olivia for this very instructive session. It’s advice that I believe applies to all of us, whether we’re searching for a cute older straight guy or an exotic younger lesbian lady. Be confident, be clever, and be determined. She’s happy to answer more questions, so if you have any quandaries of your own, send them my way, and I’ll see what we can do.
Oh, and before she finished, Olivia hand one more It’s Not a Match credo to reinforce:
If you want to get my attention, your only bet is to send an email, because that’s the only reason I’m going to look at your profile. Guys sign in to find girls to email. Girls sign in to read their email. I get enough emails to never have to look at my winks.
Like I said, whatever you do, don’t wink. Even if you look like Denzel Goslington.
It's Not a Match.com 
As much as I enjoy this blog, it makes me glad that I stick to the old fashioned meeting new people IRL: Starbucks, bars, grocery stores, concerts, and once in a library.
Mmmm I’m not hot but I am Mmm large up top & I don’t know if you do your Olympic gold creeper thing, but I think I have one? Oh & not hot but with boobs bigger than Dolly or Pamela I get some doozies, is that a word? Ok so I get one nice normal email that I respond to.. So this is my email back…
Hey we should go out sometime but the
biggest problem will be your huge **** I think they’ll be a distraction, for us to really GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER! (yes they sooo distract me). So I have a plan! My license plate is # DDD ### ( see how nice I am concealing this). I will be in the parking lot of Wal Mart (wow?) on Friday, in a black truck. I’m letting you know my plate # so you feel safe,(totally) by the way. You should park, knock, & pull down your shirt. I’ll just feel & suck those big sweet honeys for 10 minutes. I won’t try anything funny! Then I’ll take you somewhere nice to get to KNOW you! Both of us will feel better without them distracting us! (finally a man who knows how bad my big tits distract me!)
The parts in () are mine Mmm how creepy are men & how dumb do they think we are?
So how was the date? Now that shit is funny though, this guy is clearly a forward thinker, have to respect that. Ohh i think I love him.
might want to do a little editing to preserve some online dating anonymity…for the sake of those poor guys who apparently failed so miserably to elicit any responses from Olivia.
interesting article…love the blog!
Absolutely right, Joey. My bad. Posted screenname-less pictures now. Thanks for the heads up!
When I was first dipping my toes into the ice cold waters of internet dating, I fabricated a dream girl profile in order to size up the competition in my area. Main thing I learned is that people put fake dream girl profiles on the internet to size up the competition in their area–glad to hear that a few of them are real though.
haha awesome
A dude making a girls profile is creepy! Manti T’eo stuff!
But I do see this is from the now infamous “Max”. Again I say that when Max decideds to do something, he does a damn good job. So that is more understandable. I am a believer in Max and B’s advice.
Is it bad that despite your sage wisdom, which people have been taking, I still get tired of my messages? I have an entire profile, every section filled in, and I swear every guy out there jumps on the exact same interesting fact. I’m not sure whether I should delete it or just accept that it is the most interesting thing about me. Just today, I have gotten six messages that all more or less read: “You beat the Lion King for super nintendo? That’s game was so hard!” Literally every other message is the standard “hey” “how are you” “how is your week?” messages. I promise the rest of my profile is witty and just as interesting as my penchant for retro video games! Maybe I should blame OkCupid.
Whenever I type a subject, match.com glitches it and I sends “(no subject)” lols.
Good. Make as many friends as possible via email. Enjoy life by chatting with opposite gender. Universe is big, but human mind is bigger. I enjoy attending any dialogue where new ideas flourish!
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
腕時計 ヨドバシ
couldn’t agree more!
Wow fantastic blog thanks for sharing this blog.I am really impressed for this site.Thanks for sharing.
I am sure this isn’t the intent of the author, but this article actually makes me despair of mankind. I dunno, but common courtesy kind of requires a genuine response to a genuine email, irrespective of how “hot” the woman is? (I presume externally, as her internal attractiveness is a bit questionable, based on the attitude presented here). People (even men on online websites attempting to make a genuine attempt to meet someone, no matter how many there are) are not commodities and shouldn’t be treated as a kind of shoe you select.
Chris is right. Everyone should read Chris’ comment and really think about it. He’s right.
Yeah. I get where girls are coming from. It may not be practical for a girl to reply to every message. But wtf? Does this mean it’s OK to ignore a fellow human being? WTF?! Because you’re vain? Because you like the attention? A girl who treats a guy like this in person – even a nerdy unattractive guy – would be seen for what she is. Hiding doesn’t change that. Online doesn’t change that. It actually makes it far worse. Because she’s doing it OVER AND OVER.
A caring girl – a girl with a heart – and with a sense of the world would *never* do so. A caring and intelligent girl that finds it impractical to reply to the 50 msgs she receives a day would realize that she’s entered a situation where she risks hurting people. She’d leave that situation immediately.
If you look for it, there’s a strange beauty to this mean girl trend, though. On some sites you can quickly glimpse into a girls character and heart … just by looking at her reply status. If she replies very infrequently, you’ve got a selfish, inconsiderate and me me me girl. I don’t care how “caring” she thinks she is. No one with any sense of reality can justify ignoring a person seeking love. Its sickening.
On the flip side of the coin … guys who want to enter the torture chamber that online dating often is … guys need to learn and accept that this is just how it is. You should have no expectation that a girl will reply. It’s hard not to when you’re seeking companionship and you’re working hard to do so.
But. Really. That’s just how it is. Its the economics of what you’re entering into. It is often an illusion. It captures men because we’re built to be attracted to it. But wake yourself up. Pixels are pixels. Would you walk up to a “girl” who was holding a picture board of a very attractive girl in front of them? Why not? Don’t you trust them? … No. Because it’s silly. Who would trust someone holding a picture board in front of them? But you *should* trust the picture board holder. At least a lot more than your online “prospective girlfriends”. Because Ms. Picture Board at least paid for the picture board. That makes them more trustworthy than those on the “internet” … they can just cut and paste a picture from … what? Four gazillion pictures of attractive women?
HA!
I appreciate the tips, but none of these would seem to solve my problem. I am not getting ANY responses to my emails. I boast substantive journalism experience so I figured a creative subject line would rank as a must to elicit a reply. No female will ever receive a message from me with the subject lines “hey” or “wassup?”
I have sent 18 genuine emails that highlight specific items in the person’s “about me” section that intrigue me. Writing is my life. That means grammar, spelling and poorly-constructed sentences will never qualify as an issue. I am thoughtful when I compose an email, perhaps too much so. My content takes center stage. That applies to anything I publish.
The only flaw I can detect (and believe me: I am my own worst critic) is verbosity. Maybe the messages need to be shorter than three or four paragraphs.
None of the emails I sent mentioned looks or physical features. Those are NOT what enrapture me most when looking at profiles. I want to make it clear to my message recipients that I see something based on how they presented themselves worthy of making a connection.
I do not ask anyone out at the end of an email. I politely request a reponse, re-iterate my interest in learning more about them and thank them for reading. Other online dating tip sites suggest that is the classy, prescient and effective way to close an email. Are they wrong?
Why am I not getting ANY responses? An 18-0, send-receive ratio disenchants me. Is it too much to ask for a woman to respond to a sincere message, no matter how good looking she is?
Does the decorum of not giving silent hints not apply here? If I take the time to send you something thoughtful, you can at least take 10-15 seconds to say, at minimum, “no thanks.”
I wonder if you or Olivia might have any ideas. How can I remedy this problem?
I have already planned to wait a day or two and send a second email to a few Match prospects who really pique my interest. Beyond that, I have no idea what to do next.
Dude, just by reading your comment I can tell that your messages are WAY TOO LONG. Yes 3 or 4 paragraphs is too much. Cut that in 2. And you may come off as too much of a sweet pushover kinda guy, no offense that’s just an impression. Mix it up, try some shorter like 1-2 liner messages and certainly try some where you are not all polite and formally thanking them and “requesting a response”.
P.S. Have you considered changing your profile pic, just in case?
I agree completely with Cupid Yours. I have received messages of your length and I can’t commit to reading past the 1st paragraph. It’s way too much. Short, sweet and mind grabbing is what you need. Reconsider the profile pic too.
Unfortunately, 80% of girls in match dot com say EXACTLY the SAME things: I’m family oriented, I’m laid back, I love my dog and I love to travel. How can you possibly be original with them? Maybe a bit of poetry in your email will get you a response.
15% will declare themselves as bitches. EVERYONE is out of their league.
And the last 5% will have some original stuff up in their profiles, enough for you to write an interesting email and start up a conversation.
2nd email is clutch. I called out my own ignorance, got way more fun, clever, and succinct with a dash if flirt, and it led to a couple more emails, phone number wout asking, and a mutually enjoyed first date with hands down the most beautiful girl on the site. It works!
You are so funny! I just found your blog today and I love it!
I just started using Match this weekend and I’m sure your blog will become my Match bible. Thanks!
Like sales it is a numbers game. Ill meet 1 out of 80. Get to work men! Hahaha
At this point I’m wondering how many girls on Match.com are even real. I’m no Adonis, but I’m not a bad looking guy. I’ve dated several girls in the past and I was married until recently. That must speak for something. Anyway, I have reached out to so many girls on Match.com and every single message was unique, even when those girls provided no context in their profiles. Some of my messages were light and some were more in depth, depending on the material that girl provided in order to work from. So far, no responses. I would think that the odds would be I would get a response from at least 1. Giving up on the whole online dating thing. I gave it a shot. It doesn’t work.
I remember when I first did this I realized that it’s better, as a man, to play it as a number’s game. To get into any specific girl was a recipe for disaster. It actually is better to find a good message to send to several people. Though I will say that I’m a fairly good looking guy, maybe it’s not a strategy that works for everyone. The goal I think should be to quickly get to a phone conversation(within 1-3 emails) and get to a date quickly. I met a girl I spent a great 3 years of my life with using this strategy. And got quite a few responses aside from that. At the end of the day, despite what a girl may say they want, they want confidence, and trying to carry on a long email conversation is hardly that.
After that whole article, you don’t say one thing about what to write or what is intriguing about the content of what Olivia’s reading!!!!
I believe some women can get the ‘illusion of abundance’ resulting selection anxiety (too many choices) and actually end up meeting no-one. Don’t take it personally. It’s a flawed system. Personally, as a man, I used an automated chat-bot to spam every female that meets my superficial and stringent criteria. If I get a response, I stick to a 3 message algorithm that results in a first date 27% of the time. After that it’s all down to real-life interpersonal skills.
Hot girl wont be hot forever so enjoy it while it lasts. Meanwhile guy will be picking up hot girls long into his 40s.