Category Archives: Horror Stories

The Girl Who Was a Mennonite

Do you know what a Mennonite is? Neither did I. Mennonites, it turns out, are a traditional, peace-oriented religious group that can be like Protestants, or can be a LOT more strict. Like…ride a horse to work strict. They’re not … Continue reading

Posted in Horror Stories | 12 Comments

The Girl Who Met Someone Else

The way to stay out of trouble with serial killers is to avoid being brought to a second location. It’s Serial Killer 101. Let ‘em abduct you, fine, but the real problems start when they toss you in their van. … Continue reading

Posted in Horror Stories | 14 Comments

Interview: A Man Who Stood Up His Date

The following is an email I received from Max D, a loyal reader and Internet dater. Initially, I was very proud… As per your expert instructions I sought out the perfect first date restaurant.  It’s named after an Italian opera, … Continue reading

Posted in Advice, Horror Stories, Your Awful Stories | 60 Comments

The Girl Who Wouldn’t Let Me Leave

When you make a date, I find it’s best to keep it. Rescheduling, even if you have a really good reason, just sends a wave of doubt through an already doubt-riddled experience. “Hey, I’m not feeling well, can we do … Continue reading

Posted in Horror Stories | 3 Comments

The Girl Who Made Me Dance

I’ve always thought that the key to dancing was not necessarily to know what you’re doing, but to look like you believe you do. Or, better yet, to look like you simply don’t give a shit. There are a few people out … Continue reading

Posted in Horror Stories | 10 Comments

The Girl Who Did Heroin

There are two ways you can handle a date after you realize you’re not a match. You can shut it down, giving this person you will never see again as little energy and effort as humanly possible, or you can … Continue reading

Posted in Horror Stories | 5 Comments

The Girl Who Loved the Homeless

It’s hard to know when you’ve really hooked a girl. Is it when she first laughs at one of your jokes? Or after that first kiss goodnight? Or, maybe, is it the first time you have this timeless romantic exchange… … Continue reading

Posted in Horror Stories | 1 Comment

The Girl Who Called Me Chip Boy

I bring a wide spectrum of winning qualities to each of my Internet dates. First of all, I blog, which is second only to swashbuckling on the List of Hobbies that Women Find Sexually Exciting. Second, I blog about my … Continue reading

Posted in Horror Stories | 6 Comments

The Girl Who Overshared

I’ve always taken a sick delight in saying the wrong thing. Once, while serving as a Best Man, I gave a rehearsal speech so off-color that I was heckled by the groom’s family. (“If he’s the Best Man then I’d … Continue reading

Posted in Horror Stories | 8 Comments

The Girl Who Couldn’t Kiss

Woody Allen once said there’s no such thing as bad sex, which would mean a lot more if it was coming from someone who hadn’t slept with unduly beautiful and talented women his entire life. I mean, if someone let … Continue reading

Posted in Horror Stories | 7 Comments