How is This My Match? Vol 5

Friends who have been dating on Match for an extended period of time insist that, at a certain point, you run out of new people to email. You see the same faces in each search, and have the feeling with each email you write that you’ve talked to this person before. I’ve never bought it. In fact, if there’s one thing that consistently surprises me about Match, it’s the depth of its roster. I wince when I think about how many women I’ve emailed on the site, and yet every time I look, I find countless more that I’d love to meet. Or at the very least, stalk. So the idea of me sailing to end of the Match horizon and running out of viable dating candidates seemed impossible. Until today…

And thus I ask you, How is This My Match?

24 year-old woman
Brooklyn, New York

seeking men 24-30
within 10 miles of Brooklyn, New York

Pretty cute, I’d say. 24 is definitely a little younger than I’m used to, but not a complete deal-breaker. And – look at that – Brooklyn is actually where I live! No Pittsburgh?! No Ontario, Canada?! Match matchmaker, you are really outdoing yourself this time…

In her words…

What She’s Looking For: My perfect match would be someone who is kind and loving and who isnt afraid to show affection to me and who will treat me well. I’m 5’3, athletic, and I love to hang out and go to clubs and dance.

OK, so it’s not Shakespeare, but she seems like a down-to-earth woman who’s looking to spend some time with someone nice. I can do that. I have time! And often I am nice!

Sports and exercise: Baseball, Basketball… 

Oooh, a sports fan. I like it. A cute lady who follows baseball and basketball? All she’s missing is also liking football, and being really really rich. This might work out!

At this point, I’m getting pretty excited. It seems like The Daily 5 has actually found someone pretty good for me. I’m already crafting the email in my head, thinking how I’m gonna get a good jumping off point from her profile, which is a little light on the details. But she mentioned dancing, and I’ve got at least three good zingers about how bad a dancer I am, so I think we can make this work. Then, just as I’m about to click on the “email your match!!” button, I glance at her headline.

Sexy lesbian looking for the right person

WHAT?! She’s a lesbian? You set me up with a friggin’ lesbian, Match? Is that how hard it’s become? I’ve gone through every single straight woman in your files, so the only choice you had left was to recommend a fairly forgiving lesbian?! That hurts, Match, it really hurts. You’ve sent me old women, bald women, even women clearly in love with their dogs; but a gay woman stings. I’m used to dating people who aren’t interested, but dating someone who’s genetically, permanently disinterested is another matter. I mean, that’s literally the worst possible match. Are you even trying any more?

I mean, seriously. How is this my Match?

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5 Responses to How is This My Match? Vol 5

  1. Mark says:

    Wow, I’m actually wondering how they are going to top this. I’d say a straight dude is next. Why not! That, or a fake profile that someone set up for their pet. Could happen.

  2. Allison says:

    I once was matched with a guy only to read in the first line of the About Me section that the entire profile was set up by his mom and, from what I could tell, he didn’t actually know about it. And even if he did, we still would have had nothing in common.. except perhaps overly-attached moms, but even mine isn’t THAT bad!

  3. Misty says:

    I get matches from men who were looking for white christian women in my daily matches. I mean, I’m not white OR Christian so it seemed like a waste of time for both the guy and me. I even read profiles where the guy didn’t understand why he kept getting asked out by women from different races. I mean it’s insulting to those of us who aren’t white and clearly a waste of his time if he doesn’t even want to date girls from other races.

  4. Pingback: How is This My Match: OKCupid Edition | It's Not a

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